Another long day. I started getting depressed about my weight again today. Im tired of this happening and I dont know what to do. I feel like there is absolutely no hope and though i try to ignore it, its eating away at me bit by bit, day by day. I dont see the beautiful girl that everyone talk about. I know i dont have to look like a model or a celebrity. I dont want to anyways. I just want to be satisfied with myself...and im not. I try to change my attitude. I thought that as long as i just say im pretty and that im happy with myself that ill just start to believe it, you know, trick my own mind, but that didnt work out. It actually annoys me SOMETIMES when someone just says i dont need to lose weight and that my weight is fine, but as long as theyre not in my body, they wont know the pain that i feel everyday. They wont feel my struggle. Until they can get in my mind and think how i think and feel how i feel, then they shouldnt just say that im fine and that im beautiful and expect me to just say "Ok. im beautiful! thank you so much!". It doesnt work like that. I wish it did though.
I know exactly how you feel. Mostly because I feel the same way, pretty much daily. I really wish I had the right words to make things better, but I'm still struggling with it myeslf. Just know that you're not alone.
ReplyDeleteThanks Meg. I really wish we had gotten to known each other more when we were in poetry slam together. Its like, everyday I try to ignore how much I hate myself, and I get by for a while, but then sometimes, like the day I wrote that, I just cant hold it in then I cry or something, then I try to get through another week. Also, i used to cut like you :P And sometimes I really struggle with it. Ok im putting too much.lol. But yeah, we should have talked more. we are somewhat alike.
ReplyDeleteI think it's bad to ignore how you feel. I think that if you really want to change, that you can. It's hard, and it takes time, but it's not impossible. I wish we would have gotten to know each other better too, I do that alot. There's someone I'll meet, and I'll think, we could probably be good friends, but I get scared about trying to talk to them... I'm afraid they'll think I'm weird or something lol.
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