Love or Not to Love

I don't know whats wrong with me. Even when i have someone who loves me, I still can't accept it. Still in my head I just say "No one loves me and whoever does is stupid". I contradict myself. I want someone to love me but when I do have someone, I  DON'T want them to love me. Can someone explain this to me? Im not going to lie, but when I didnt have a boyfriend, I pretty much begged for attention and wanted everyone to love me. I wanted guys to fight for my love, and now that I have a boyfriend, all I think is "He could have someone way better. He would have such a better relationship with her, they are more alike. Maybe he's just with me for the heck of it and doesnt really love me. Maybe he just settled for me because the others girls he was too scared to ask out".

Though ive had many guys like me, I still have the thought in my head that no one wants to be with me. I feel im just not good enough. Ok, i'll say it: Im black, im ugly, and im fat, I have big feet, im hairier than most girls and have to shave more than normal girls, i have stretch marks, my hands have creases in them (compared to girls with smooth hands), and i dont know how to talk to people. Who wants to be with that? And thats just the physical, tangible things.

I think my boyfriend would be much happier with someone else (and I actually have an idea who)...
I dont want him to love me anymore...

I HATE MYSELF FOR THESE THINGS THAT CORRUPT MY MIND!
I HATE MYSELF!