Sometimes it feels like the less you know, or even better, the less you pretend to notice or care, the less hurt there is involved. I guess thats my defense mechanism. When I dont know what to do, i try to be blind. Blind to the truth. Blind to the lies. Blind to what i KNOW is right in front of me. The problem is that, ive been pretending to be blind for so long, its hard to tell if im seeing clearly. For the past few years I have let my mind act on its own. I make up lies to more convenient myself, but lately its not working anymore. Now i cant tell if what im feeling is from me lying to myself, or a true feeling. I just want things to be clear again. Im begging. Im tired or taking a guess or dealing with it. I just want to know what is and what isnt. I guess ill have to wait to find out.
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